Supreme Court Drinking Song

Let’s buy another round! Let’s buy another round!
We’ll pass no bar in town until our fears are drowned!
Show Congress we are wild!
Ignore appeals they filed!
Who cares what precedents they found?
Let’s buy another round!
We’ll pass no bar in town until our fears are drowned!

O bailiff, bring more beer! O bailiff, bring more beer!
Our First Amendment rights have never been so clear!
Forget what lawyers cite—
let’s drop our briefs tonight!
There are no cases we must hear,
so bailiff, bring more beer!
Our First Amendment rights have never been so clear!

These robes keep getting hot! These robes keep getting hot!
Our livers may be shot, but we’ve got guts to rot!
O citizens united,
let’s toast the unindicted!
A brew or two would help a lot;
these robes keep getting hot!
Our livers may be shot, but we’ve got guts to rot!

We’re final in the end! We’re final in the end!
No more appeals no matter what your lawyers spend!
It’s time to test our mettle—
tell parties they must settle!
There’s nothing shysters can defend;
we’re final in the end!
No more appeals no matter what your lawyers spend!

We’ll end the 5–4’s! We’ll end the 5–4’s!
Let’s drink, opine and puke until they close the doors!
When things start getting tense,
we’ll write no more dissents!
So screw the Bushes versus Gores,
we’ll end the 5–4’s!
Let’s drink, opine and puke until they close the doors!

 

These verses are dedicated by A. M. Juster to the more libatious readers of this publication, to be sung in appropriate settings.

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